that I apparently grew up in hicksville. All the cute boys and pretty girls from grade school are showing up on Facebook as fat, ugly rednecks who ride dirt bikes and have monster trucks full of sloppy children. And they're all really insanely Christian. And republican. And illiterate. I'm having to rethink my childhood here.

I lived on the edge of a relatively affluent white neighborhood that became increasingly Asian over time. I certainly didn't think of any town that attracted Asians as being white trash. And I was so far on the edge of that town that I went to school in the neighboring poor Latino district. They most certainly were not white trash, if for no other reason than that they weren't white.

Yet, based on the lifestyle of my former classmates from grammar school, I have to deduce that I narrowly escaped some sort of Bermuda Triangle in which the white kids were miraculously transported to some desert dirt pile and force fed a constant diet of Del Taco, Budweiser, Ronald Reagan and God.